Psychologist shares 5 tips to handle your ‘relationship firsts’

Strengthening your romantic relationship takes effort and varies from person to person. Sometimes, you may struggle to understand your partner or feel they don’t understand you. There may be moments when you consider giving up. Still, your future self will thank you for working on a relationship that really matters. From the first date, the first disagreement to the first moment of intimacy, every ‘first’ in a romantic relationship is special.

What are the 5 early stages of a relationship?

Counselling psychologist and couples therapist Dr Devanshi Desai shares practical tips for couples to navigate the often challenging early phases of their relationship with ease.

1. The first date

From the outset, stay genuine, respect boundaries, read the moment, and focus on getting to know each other in a real sense rather than hiding behind a smoke screen. To give you a scientific context, Predicted Outcome Value (POV) Theory, introduced by Michael Sunnafrank in 1986, says that in initial interactions, individuals gauge the potential rewards and costs of a relationship to predict future outcomes. This may be a conscious or subconscious process. Still, partners most often assess the potential of a future connection via emotional presence and genuine interest. Hence, be present, give your undivided attention to your partner, stick to light, mutually interesting topics and strike a balance between speaking and listening to help the conversation flow. Avoid heavy personal disclosures too soon, as they can be overwhelming.

2. The first real conversation

If the first meeting leads to additional dates and a growing sense of comfort and mutual trust, the next step could be a substantive conversation about goals, non-negotiable values, and expectations. Honest communication then becomes a tool for clarity, not just closeness. Open-ended discussions about needs, boundaries, and, yes, even mutual triggers can help partners better understand each other and prevent future misunderstandings. Keep the exchange balanced as always by sharing and listening actively. If there are things you are not yet ready to talk about, state as much and guide the discussion toward topics you’re comfortable answering. Gradual self-disclosure, mindful listening, and thoughtful questions deepen trust and clear the way for more meaningful conversations.

3. First disagreement

After a few dates and a deep conversation, the first disagreement may follow naturally. Conflict is a normal part of budding relationships, but it is important not to react in a knee-jerk manner. Instead, try to understand what caused the disagreement. If there is fundamental dissonance or red flags regarding safety, non-negotiable values, or courtesy, reconsider proceeding. If a disagreement offers an opportunity for introspection and growth, you could address the issue with maturity, express your feelings clearly, avoid personal attacks, and listen to your partner’s perspective to prevent a small issue from growing into unexpressed resentment. Learning to argue fairly helps both of you feel heard, understood and supported. It also helps strengthen trust and bring you closer as a couple.

4. First intimate moment

Many people equate the term ‘being intimate’ with just sexual activity. But intimacy is not just about sex. Emotional intimacy can also be a profound experience, as it allows partners to share personal thoughts and feelings they wouldn’t share with anyone else. In physical intimacy, comfort, trust, consent, and communication come first. Clear boundaries must guide any intimate act. Open conversations about needs and limits before any intimate step is taken help both partners feel safe, respected and more connected.

5. The first apology

A delayed apology is a missed opportunity because it is vital to repair a bond strained by conflict quickly. A genuine apology can be the first step toward accountability and understanding your partner’s perspective. Apologising and listening build more trust than trying to force your point to win every argument. Repairing a relationship is not about being right or having the upper hand, but about acknowledging hurt, showing empathy, and agreeing to do better next time. Practised early, this builds resilience and reminds both partners that they can handle tension together. Relationships rely not on perfection but on sustained effort and consistent investment of time, energy and care.